Jeremy Clarkson threatens colleagues with ‘the chop’ if they’re late to Zoom meetings

Jeremy Clarkson gives insight into 'busy night' on the farm

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A notoriously impatient person, Jeremy Clarkson, 61, made it clear he doesn’t accept lateness as an excuse when it comes to scheduled meetings. And if any of his team are late, well… he implements his likeable dark humour, sits back and watches the chaos unfold.

I always say: ‘So that’s decided then. Jim’s for the chop… Oh, hi Jim

Jeremy Clarkson

It comes after the newbie farmer touched on reports that Prime Minister Boris Johnson is notoriously late for meetings.

To try to rectify his reputation for being behind, the PM reportedly set his watch ten minutes fast.

“Really? So he did this and then what, forgot?” Jeremy penned in reaction to the news in his latest column for The Sun.

“If that’s the case, he has no business running the country.”

The Grand Tour presenter went on to reel off his pet peeves about lateness, continuing: Late people always have an excuse. The traffic was bad.

“I bumped into an old friend on the way. I had to make the kids’ tea.

“But the truth of the matter is that you were late because you didn’t set off in time. And that’s rude. And it’s especially rude when you’re late for a Zoom call.”

He admitted in real life it’s easier to make small talk until everyone is at the meeting, but described the situation on Zoom as “awkward”.

“Everyone just sits there shuffling their feet and playing with their phone,” he sighed.

“To try to break the embarrassment, I always keep my microphone turned off because it’s funny watching people using sign language to try to explain they can’t hear me.

“And then, when I do turn it on, having pretended it was all a great struggle, at least we can talk about the problems of modern technology until the late arrival has entered the ‘room’.

“At which point, I always say: ‘So that’s decided then. Jim’s for the chop… Oh, hi Jim.'”

But Jezza had more pressing things on his mind – his health.

The presenter is more concerned about falling over than he has ever been in his life.

The former Top Gear star, who is no stranger to risking his life or serious injury driving fast cars around a track, said that at 61, falling and injuring himself in his day-to-day life has become a “realistic worry”.

While joking about causing an earthquake as he recalled climbing over a gate in the fields, he said he fears falling over at home or while working on his Diddly Squat farm in the Cotswolds.

At home, he described getting out of the shower caused him a lot of worry as the potential for injury was high because of the slippery surfaces.

Getting undressed before bed at night time was also a concern, due to the need to balance on one leg.

“You should see me getting out of the shower. I’m always worried that when I lift one foot over the edge of the tray, the other will lose traction and I’ll fall over, landing chin first on the edge of the bath,” he penned.

“I am similarly scared when I’m taking off my trousers at night because at one point I have to balance on one leg and what if it’s not up to the job?”

He added: “This is a realistic worry. Because when you are 61 and you weigh as much as a railway locomotive, you are constantly aware that your knees are only any good at keeping you upright.

“They cannot absorb any sort of impact at all, which means you can no longer jump off anything. Not even a small step.”

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