EPHRAIM HARDCASTLE: The British Museum disappearances prompt stocktake

EPHRAIM HARDCASTLE: The British Museum disappearances prompts the Royal Collection to sort out a careful stocktake

The disappearance of British Museum artefacts prompts the Royal Collection Trust – the largest private assembly of artworks in the world – to conduct a discreet stocktake. Although there is no suggestion of anything amiss, a source says that keeping track of more than one million items can be tricky. The King has a penchant for travelling with his favourite art. One courtier was once taken aback to come face to face with drawings by Queen Victoria and a Flemish oil painting from the Collection in a Royal lavatory.

EPHRAIM HARDCASTLE: Although there is no suggestion of anything amiss, a source says that keeping track of more than one million items can be tricky

Having raised £5.5million from his menacing mugshot, Donald Trump incurs the wrath of GB News anchor Eamonn Holmes. ‘How did they let him get away with that pose?’ he asks. ‘You try doing that for your passport shot. Yet he was allowed to create what he wanted? A pantomime pose.’ Should the well-nourished Eamonn try fundraising with a similar photo, a fiver from every GB News viewer wouldn’t keep him in doughnuts for long.

What persuaded the BBC to reverse most of its proposed classical music cuts before the Proms started? A source whispers that Beeb bosses feared that Last Night conductor Marin Alsop might have used her speech to attack the cuts. Cate Blanchett, pictured, portrayed a conductor in the film Tar who bore a remarkable resemblance to the feisty Alsop. ‘So many superficial aspects of Tar seemed to align with my own personal life,’ said Alsop. ‘But once I saw it I was no longer concerned, I was offended: I was offended as a woman, I was offended as a conductor, I was offended as a lesbian.’ Not a woman to be trifled with.

EPHRAIM HARDCASTLE: Cate Blanchett, pictured, portrayed a conductor in the film Tar who bore a remarkable resemblance to the feisty Alsop

Rory Stewart recalls his 2015 stint as environment minister – working as Liz Truss’s deputy – when he returned to work after his father Brian had suffered a fatal heart attack and died in his arms. ‘Liz asked about my weekend,’ recalls Stewart. ‘I explained that my father had died. She paused for a moment, nodded and asked when the 25-year environment plan would be ready.’

Jerry Hall, on set for her cameo in Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie in 2015, was surprised when neither Jennifer Saunders nor Joanna Lumley dared ask her about her burgeoning relationship with media magnate Rupert Murdoch. Co-star Kathy Burke grappled with the elephant in the room, asking: ‘So is it true you’re dating Rupert Murdoch?’ ‘Nobody will talk to me about it, Kathy,’ replied Jerry. ‘Everybody hates me for dating him, but he’s the first man that’s asked me out in five years.’

Withnail & I writer-director Bruce Robinson, quoted in a forthcoming book about the 1987 cult film, wails: ‘I’ve never seen a tuppence in royalties – which is outrageous when you’re a pensioner with a bunion.’

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