How to buy a sexy Christmas present that doesn’t look tacky: Tracey Cox reveals her picks for every personality – from CBD arousal gels to floggers and glass dildos (but red underwear is banned!)

• UK relationship expert shares her top gifts for a sizzling sex life  
• READ MORE: Gwyneth Paltrow’s latest Goop Christmas gift guide is unleashed  

Thought you’d add something a little saucy to your partner’s stocking this year?

Great idea…so long as you get it right. Buying a sexy present isn’t quite as easy as it sounds.

How do you know if they’ll find it wildly exciting or freaky and a little too out there?

Will they be offended? (Is this a hint that I should last longer? Be bigger? Feel tighter?) Or think they’re boring in bed and that’s why you’ve bought something to spice things up?

Happily, there is a way to navigate all these hot spots and guarantee you’ll be doing more than watching Elf and Bad Santa once the relatives have finally buggered off!

Here’s my guide to erotic offerings that won’t backfire.

Tracey encourages those buying a sexy gift for the first time to keep it non-threatening and playful (stock image)

PITCH THE PRESENT TO THE PERSONALITY

She’s shy, conservative and only just allowed sex with the lights on? Rolling up on Christmas day with a Grow Your Own Willy kit and crotchless red underwear isn’t going to score you Christmas Brownie points.

Instead arrive with a glossy coffee table book by a sexy but stylish photographer like Helmut Newton. Scented massage oil is also safe: no-one’s offended by the prospect of a sensual massage, but it hints at naughtiness. (Massage Candles are also great: light it to set the mood, use the wax to massage.) Silk PJs or a short silky robe are great presents for her; silky boxer-style PJ’s also work for him.

They’re practically dragging you to fetish clubs on date three? Opt for a set of stylishly crafted glass dildos. Use them to massage all over the body and for temperature play. Heat or cool (in hot or cold water) and bring your most erotic fantasies to life.

Or buy a case of their favourite wine and wrap notes around the neck of each bottle, detailing things you’re planning to do to them as you’re drinking it. Better still, add a night in a glam hotel room to do some of it in.

UK relationships expert, Tracey Cox, warns that buying a sexy present isn’t as easy as it sounds. Here, she shares her fail-safe gift guide so you can be sure to get it right…

IF IT’S A NEW(ISH) RELATIONSHIP

If it’s the first time you’ve bought a sexy gift, keep it non-threatening and playful – and ALWAYS make it just part of the present. Turn up armed only with suggestive stuff and the message is ‘I’m only with you for the good times’.

A cute thing to do is divide your gift into two parts, wrapped separately. Write ‘Because I think you’re sexy’ on one card for the erotic present and ‘Because I think you’re fantastic’ on the more romantic offering.

Non-cringe fun ideas: a sexy board game, playing cards or a sex toy advent calendar. Or turn an innocent gift into something racy by what you write on the gift card. A scented candle becomes daringly seductive if you write ‘I can’t wait to see you naked in candlelight’.

You’ll never go wrong with a framed, erotic black and white print (lots of inexpensive choices online). Turning up with chocolate-dipped strawberries and champagne impresses everyone. Classic erotic novels like The Story of O, Lady Chatterley’s Lover or Henry and June are more risqué but will suit adventurous literary types.

IF YOU HAVEN’T TRIED SEX TOYS TOGETHER YET

You’re having sex (and lots of it) but haven’t yet invited sex toys into bed with you? Now’s your chance to be adventurous – but still err on the cautious side. Think classy, spirited and fun rather than overtly sexual presents that might scare the horses.

Keep things low-key with body paint (lick off varieties) or a ‘fun’ vibrator like a rubber ducky that floats in the bath. 

Other good choices are beginner bondage kits (they include things like non-threatening handcuffs, restraints that attach with velcro, a blindfold). Tie-up games are the most popular couple’s fantasy – and the fantasy most likely to be enjoyed when acted out in real life. 

Or try classic, classy vibrators (clitoral vibes that are smooth and sleek), a rechargeable love ring (a rubbery ring that sits at the base of his penis with a little vibrator attached that you position against the clitoris) or a little ‘bullet’ vibrator (they’re the size of a tampon but pack a punch and can be used to simulate both your hot spots).

Wondering why the obvious sexy pressy – saucy lingerie – hasn’t got a mention yet?

LINGERIE IS HARD TO GET RIGHT

Buy it too small and she’ll be too embarrassed to admit she’s three sizes bigger. Buy it too big and she’ll be paranoid you think she’s overweight. 

If you really must buy underwear, check out the labels on at least three different sets of lingerie she already owns and stick to those brands and sizing or find a sexier version of. 

Choose white, cream, black or ‘pretty’ colours like blue or pink. Avoid red at all costs – it tends to come in cheap, nasty fabrics, it’s cliched and suits very few skin types.

THE LONGER YOU’VE BEEN TOGETHER, THE RAUNCHIER YOU CAN GO

Not only are you more aware of what you’re both into and would enjoy, you also know the ‘no go’ areas.

The world’s your oyster in the land of erotic presents, so take your pick from the myriad of magical products out there.

If I had to pick one present for a man who had no sex toys, I’d start with a masturbatory sleeve or ‘stroker’. It’s a soft sleeve that fits over his penis and is moved up and down (by you or him) to add friction. They’re cheap and, if he’s never owned one, guaranteed to be the best present anyone has ever given him.

You can’t go far wrong with a ‘tease toy’ for her. Remote controlled love eggs (she inserts it, he controls the remote) has brightened many a Boxing Day lunch with the in-laws or stroll around the shops. If you’re in a long-distance relationship, a toy that’s controlled remotely by an app is another great choice.

WHEN AND HOW TO GIVE A SEXY PRESENT

It’s not just the gift you need to get right…

Wait until you’re alone and not going to be interrupted before giving it. Sure, it’s tempting to watch her unwrap a ginormous rabbit vibrator in front grandma, but she might not find it funny. Allow some time alone after unwrapping in case anything goes wrong (see below).

Don’t forget the card. The card and what you write on it sets the tone. Up the heat by describing, in exquisite detail, exactly what you hope will happen later once she’s wearing that gorgeous negligee. Make it more romantic by talking about how much you love every inch of her body when gifting a lacy, racy push-up bra.

Keep the receipt. Especially if it’s something they’re going to wear like a role-play outfit, lingerie or underwear. Sizes vary enormously product to product and so does the cut. Tell them immediately they unwrap it that they can exchange if it’s the wrong size or doesn’t suit and it won’t sit, unworn, at the back of a drawer.

Keep the receipt even if it’s not something wearable…

If it’s obvious they don’t like it, be gracious and help them out. Even if you’re bitterly disappointed and were absolutely certain they’d love it, say, ‘I wasn’t entirely sure it was your sort of thing and I’m sensing I got it wrong. How about I return it and we choose something else together?’.

Help! They’re offended! They don’t just dislike it, they’re furious! It happens – and it’s something to learn from. If it’s a tasteful gift, not in the slightest bit ‘out there’ or remotely ‘let me fix you’, and the timing was appropriate (you’ve been having sex for a while), it could be a red flag that you’re mismatched sexually. Even if erotic presents aren’t their thing, they should at least accept graciously or have a sense of humour about it. If a ‘vanilla’ present gets a ‘one step off an orange in the mouth’ reaction, your sexual future together is looking decidedly grim.

If you’re the been-there-done-that couple, how about a ‘Pegging Kit’? Pegging upends the traditional power dynamic by inviting a woman to penetrate her male partner anally with a dildo. 

Yes, it is out there – but my pegging kit is often my best seller (I do a range of products, all sold on Lovehoney). I can vouch for their popularity!

Want something different but a little less confronting? Try some CBD arousal gels and lubes or orgasm arousal gels. They’re packed with ingredients that tingle and encourage blood flow to the genitals. 

A soft whip – traditional style – is a sexy, erotic present that also looks inviting. The whips that look like they’d hurt the most – the big ones with lots of thick fronds – are the mildest of them all. They’re called ‘floggers’ and great for people who’ve never tried acting out a spanking fantasy.

AVOID ‘FIX IT’ PRESENTS

Any product that fixes a ‘problem’ is a no-no.

Buying a sex book is fine (especially one you can read together for ideas) but make sure it’s not targeted. ‘How to increase desire’ for a low libido partner will not be appreciated. Neither will ‘Dealing with ED’ (erectile dysfunction) for a guy who failed to raise to the occasion. 

It’s fine to buy something like a love ring (see above) but make sure the note reads, ‘I thought this would be fun to try’ so he doesn’t instantly lapse into ‘God! Is she trying to tell me she doesn’t orgasm during sex?’.

While we’re on the topic, if you’re having real problems with your sex life, avoid buying anything sexual at all. Even ‘innocent’ gifts can be interpreted as blatant digs.

IF YOU’RE BUYING A VIBRATOR, SNOOP FIRST

Most women keep vibrators in their bedside or underwear drawers. Sneak a peek to see what style of vibrator she’s into. Chances are she’ll have a bullet vibe (tampon size or slightly bigger), a pebble-shaped clitoral vibe or a rabbit (phallic shaped with little ‘ears’ that vibrate).

If there’s a rabbit in there, she’s a fan of penetration. Go for a stylish new version of the one she has or try a G-spot vibrator for a different type of experience.

If she’s into clitoral focused vibration, choose from a wide array of types and budgets. A high-end, silicone luxury vibe that nestles into her palm or a budget-friendly supercharged bullet that’s tiny and perfect to pack for wicked weekends away. 

If she’s already got a drawer full, she may not yet own a ‘wand vibrator’. They’re alarmingly large (the most famous is The Magic Wand that Samantha buys in SATC) but are used externally to stimulate the clitoris. Wand vibrators offer strong vibration over a satisfyingly large area and once used, quickly become the favourite for lots of women.

NO MONEY? NO PROBLEMS

Promise a year of great sex by making a sex noticeboard!

Buy a large pinboard, some blank coloured cards and drawing pins. Then put titles on each card. My favourite place to have sex. Favourite time of the day to have sex. Favourite kissing technique. Where I like being kissed most. What position I most enjoy giving and receiving oral sex. Things I’d like to try but haven’t. Secret parts of my body I most like being kissed/licked/touched.

You write the first answer on each one, keeping it cheeky and seductive but informative.

Wrap it up for Christmas Day, then continue to play the game all year round. It’ll keep you focused on your sex life and offer intriguing insight into both your secret sexual psyches. Update it at least once a month with new suggestions on things you want to try or particularly enjoyed, and you’re set for a year of sizzling erotic encounters.

Sounds like way too much effort? Wrap yourself as a present. You can buy coloured non-stick bondage tape online and it’s super affordable. It can be wrapped and fashioned into quite a cool boob tube and matching mini. He can unwrap you, layer by layer – then wrap himself up so you can return the favour.

• Tracey’s product ranges – Tracey Cox Supersex and Tracey Cox Edge – make great Christmas gifts and are available at lovehoney.co.uk. Buy Tracey’s books at amazon and independent book sellers.

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