DEAR DEIDRE: I MISS sex so much I’ve come very close to having affairs and have paid for massages – just to enjoy feeling someone touch me.
Now I see a male prostitute once a month, to give me what is missing in my marriage.
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I am a woman of 45 and my husband is 51. We have been married for 23 years and have a grown-up son.
There’s now no intimacy in our relationship. It’s been like this for at least 14 years and I feel neglected.
My husband has suffered with erection problems for years.
He has tried all the medications available with no success and now tells me he was never really into sex and has no sex drive. He thinks I’m ridiculous to be worried about this.
I’m not in a position to leave and don’t think I really want to but I really miss the closeness.
Going to see a male prostitute is the best solution, as I am not getting emotionally involved and yet still get sexual satisfaction.
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The man I book is attractive and in his late 40s. I have been seeing him for six months.
It’s expensive, £140 an hour, and I normally book him for three or four hours when my husband is working abroad.
We have a couple of drinks out then return to my home.
I haven’t done anything that adventurous — for me the satisfaction comes from being naked with another man and feeling desirable again.
As satisfying as the sex with my male prostitute is, I wish I could reconnect with my husband.
DEIDRE SAYS:While seeing this man gives you short-term sexual satisfaction, it isn’t making you happy.
It would be best to stop so you can concentrate on your marriage. Please talk to your husband again and tell him exactly how you feel. He needs to understand how desperately sad you are.
His erection problems were a huge knock to his self-esteem. But your husband should talk it all over with his GP again because there is possibly a solution. My support pack Solving Erection Problems explains self-help techniques.
His lack of affection may lie deep in your husband’s past. Perhaps his own parents didn’t show each other affection.
Just talking about this should help him begin to understand that changes are needed. My support pack Relationship MOT will help him see how.
Tell him you need more affection, then show him – kiss, cuddle and hug him several times a day. If he won’t respond, book a Relate counsellor, alone if necessary (relate.org.uk).
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