‘I was party girl on 48-hour blackout benders but one hangover changed my life’
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A former "party girl" who thought it was normal to get blackout drunk every night at college claims she feels 'amazing' 14 months after checking into rehab..
Grace Adams, 26, says she threw herself into the 'college party life scene' when she studied for a dance degree at university, with her weekends consisting of '48 hour benders'. Her partying and boozing would often start every day, as soon as her lectures were over.
The cycle would be repeated daily to "numb" her feelings, when she would often turn up to morning dance rehearsals still drunk or "hungover and reeking of alcohol" – and hid empty bottles to conceal her addiction. However, even after her student days the boozing continued when she started working, until it all became too much and she confessed her problem to her parents.
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Grace checked herself into rehab to get sober at the age of 24 – and since then has had an "amazing" 14 months of sobriety. The media manager, based in the Upper East Side of New York, said that at college she thought it was normal because everyone else was doing it, but when she started work she continued her boozy ways.
She said she would often go too far and have to piece her evenings back together with photos and texts from the night before.
"I felt regret, shame and guilt constantly – but my solution was just to numb my pain with more alcohol," she said.
"Until one Sunday, I woke up from a bender and I called my mum. I was worn down from years of it – I was ready to admit defeat.
"I sobbed on my way to rehab because I was terrified, but it ended up being the best decision of my life."
Grace says she barely drank before moving to Dallas, Texas, US, to study a four-year degree in dance in 2016, at Southern Methodist University. But she quickly settled into the university drinking scene, and started going out to bars every night with her new pals.
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Grace said she and her coursemates subscribed to a "work hard, play hard" mentality – so her heavy drinking felt "normal".
She said: "I would have dance rehearsals until 11pm then run home and start drinking before going to a bar. I'd turn up to ballet at 8am the next day – still drunk, or hungover and reeking of alcohol."
After four years of nightly boozing, in 2020 during Covid, Grace graduated and moved back in with her parents in Baltimore, Maryland.
She said: "I realised it wasn't normal and started hiding my drinking – I’d drink after my parents went to sleep. I’d take the empty bottles out when they had gone to work the next day."
She returned to university in September 2020 to complete a masters degree in marketing – where she fell straight back into her old partying ways.
Then after graduating, she got a job in New York City, in February 2022 – which was when things began to spiral. On Fridays, she would finish work and pour her first drink – and "be in and out of blackout for 48 hours".
She said: "I was always the drunkest person out, who would have to be taken care of."
Grace would feel "regret, shame and guilt" the mornings after – and would use texts, call logs and pictures to piece together her drunken actions.
She says the only way to make her feelings go away was to drink more. But finally, after seven years of addiction, on August 3, 2022, Grace woke up one morning and knew she needed to change.
She said: "I woke up from a bender with the usual bedridden anxiety. But instead of calling my friends or boyfriend to figure out what happened the night before, something switched in me and I called my mum.
"I told her 'I can’t stop drinking, I need to quit my job and leave New York'. I was just worn down from the same thing over and over again. I was ready to admit defeat."
Despite her previous assumptions that rehab was for "old white men", Grace quickly learned it wasn't when she checked herself in that month. There, at Ashley Addiction Treatment, she was forced to confront her problems rather than using alcohol as her coping mechanism.
She said: "In rehab, there were days I was crying all day long and didn’t want to get out of bed. It’s a lot to do mentally – not only do they take away your substance, but you have to talk about your feelings. It's very draining.
"I had to learn there are different solutions out there than just numbing it out with drink. I wanted to get better, and I only wanted to do rehab once."
After her 28-day stint she was discharged and moved to a 'sober house' – supported living run by Release Recovery for recovering alcoholics – with a group of other young women until December 2022.
This month Grace celebrated 14 months of sobriety – and has a job and her own apartment in New York City.
She said: "My life has completely changed for the better – the Grace that was gone for so long is back. I thought being miserable and drinking to deal with the consequences was going to be my whole life.
"Now I see even my worst day in sobriety is still a thousand times better than my best day drunk."
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