DEAR DEIDRE: MEN are put off having sex with me because I just lie there like a limp fish.
I lost my virginity at university aged 19. I’d been drinking heavily one night with friends and woke the next day after blacking out.
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I was sore and there was blood on the sheets. I knew what had happened.
My housemates heard, but didn’t hear me object or try to stop it.
I know I was too drunk to consent to sex, but he’d been drinking too.
I’m 32 now. It still affects me. I’m having flashbacks and feel ashamed and embarrassed.
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I feel self-conscious and uncomfortable about sex. I let men down.
I don’t want it to keep ruining my chances of being with someone.
DEIDRE SAYS: If you were too drunk to say no, you were too drunk to say yes. There’s no doubt it was rape in the eyes of the law.
Talk to Rape Crisis (rapecrisis.org.uk, 0808 802 9999), for understanding support to help you.
It makes no difference that it was a long time ago. My support pack Have You Been Raped? can help too.
Having a fulfilling sex life after sexual assault may seem an insurmountable feat, but it can be done.
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