Mum sticks with her vile partner & makes excuses about why she can't see me

DEAR DEIDRE: MY mum’s partner is vile and controlling – and she always makes excuses about why she can’t see me.

I just want a mother. I am her only son, but I feel that she just doesn’t care about me.

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Dad left when I was 16 and my sister was 14. Then she moved a new man in. He drank and was verbally abusive towards me. I left when I was 19.

Ten years on, I have a lovely partner and two sons of my own.

Mum had the boys round there to babysit once but her partner kicked off, so I said she can’t have them there when he is around.

He treats her like rubbish and calls her names. Yet she comes up with an excuse if I ask her round to play with the boys. She’s not seen her grandsons in a year. She’s 49 and her partner is 55.

I have told her I have had enough and will not speak to her any longer. Have I done the right thing?

DEIDRE SAYS: While I understand the pain of feeling your mum puts you second – and the frustration of seeing someone you love in a controlling relationship – cutting her off deprives her of support that might one day help her realise she must leave her partner.

Tell your mum you love her and stay in touch as much as possible.

To help you, see Supporting A Survivor on

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