My secret lover has other men | The Sun
DEAR DEIDRE: When I went online to find casual sex behind the backs of my wife AND my illicit lover, I found out my lover was cheating on me.
I know I’m no angel, but I feel so betrayed.
I’m a man of 45 and I met my lover during the pandemic when I was a key worker as a hospital receptionist.
She was 35 and came in regularly with her mother, who was having dialysis treatment.
I got to know her over a few months as whenever I’d take a smoking break she’d follow me out and we’d have a little flirtatious chat.
I’m married to a nurse, who is 40. As the pandemic got worse, so did our relationship. Our sex life is dire.
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As soon as lockdown was over, this lady who visited the hospital asked if I’d go out with her for a drink.
I accepted when my wife was doing an evening shift.
We got along well. She was a breath of fresh air. She made it clear she wanted sex and after the longest dry spell, I couldn’t say no.
I started to see her regularly, but it was always about the romps.
One evening I was feeling frustrated and she wasn’t available so I went online to see if I could find some new company.
After signing up to a website for casual sex, my lover was one of the first people who popped up, offering “discreet fun”.
I messaged her from a different number and she asked if I had a girlfriend, then said it didn’t matter either way. We made a date but obviously I didn’t show up.
Soon after, I got confirmation I wasn’t the only man in her life — I’ve caught an STI from her.
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DEIDRE SAYS: It’s impossible to be sympathetic when you’ve been cheating on your wife and potentially risking her health also.
You felt betrayed when your secret lover was looking for other men, so imagine how broken your wife would be to learn about your behaviour.
Your wife deserves far better. If there’s no chance you’ve passed this STI to your wife, get treated and start to work out whether your relationship is salvageable.
If there is a chance you could have given her this STI you need to put her health first and come clean.
Talk to your wife. Explain that you need some help to get your marriage back on track and consider some counselling. See tavistockrelationships.org for more.
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