I just discovered my 45-year-old son is dating a MUCH younger woman – am I wrong to be concerned?

• A mom, 69, expressed concern about her 45-year-old son dating a 19-year-old
• She explained she’d met his college freshman girlfriend over Thanksgiving
• He’d been with the Gen Z-er for nearly a year before introducing her to his family

A mom of two adult children has taken to Reddit to ask whether she should be concerned that her 45-year-old son is in a serious relationship with a 19-year-old. 

The woman, 69, explained that, while she has a younger 37-year-old son who’s married to his high school sweetheart, her older son, Sam, moved to New York City to focus on his career and now he’s at the point where he can relax a little.

‘All mothers love their sons but he is objectively good looking, tall, smart, successful and kind,’ she gushed of her eldest.

‘He’s had a couple of long term girlfriends [his age]. I’ve always been sad that he hasn’t found a life partner yet but understood he was doing it at his pace – until I met his girlfriend a few days ago.’

A mom of two adult children took to Reddit to express her reservations about her 45-year-old son Sam’s relationship with a 19-year-old college freshman

The 45-year-old son had been dating the teenager for nearly a year before bringing her home to meet his family over Thanksgiving (stock image)

She went on to explain that Sam had brought a girlfriend home for Thanksgiving who he’d been with for a little under a year.

‘I’d heard about her from him and he sounded happy but he’s not the type to share that much with me or his father. When he said he’d like to bring her for thanksgiving we were very excited to finally meet the girl he’s serious about,’ the mom wrote.

But when she finally walked into their household, ‘we were all shocked. She looked so young! So beautiful and mature but definitely young.’

The mom ‘pulled [her older son] aside and asked how old she was. He looked embarrassed and said she was turning 20 soon.’

‘I never expected him to go for someone so young. Maybe someone 30 or 35 as I know he wants children soon, but not someone in their first year of college,’ she continued.

‘We went back to dinner. I didn’t want to make the poor girl feel bad (my husband and younger son staring was rude enough) so I was very welcoming to her.

‘She’s very intelligent, nice, confident and so on but in the manner of a precocious teen. Her family are wealthy so she’s not financially dependent.’

The mom went on to describe the dinner as ‘awkward but fine.’ 

Many felt that the mom should indeed mind her own business, given both members of the couple are of age

Many others felt that the mom’s reservations about the relationship were warranted

She went on to describe that the young girlfriend ultimately left early the next morning to see her own family.

‘Is this relationship possibly healthy? Can I voice my concerns or is it none of my business? Has anyone dealt with something similar in their family?’ the mom questioned of Redditors on the relationship advice subreddit.

Some agreed that the mom should indeed mind her own business, given that both are legally of age. As one commenter wrote: ‘They are both consenting adults. Get over it.’ 

But many more commenters echoed the mom’s reservations about the nature of her son’s latest relationship, with its age gap of 26 years.

‘I don’t think that it’s unreasonable to ask your son questions about his choices as long as you keep an open mind in the process. In fact, I think it is the responsible thing to do as our family and close friends need to hold us accountable when we are acting in ways that are harmful, etc,’ one wrote. 

‘As a girl who dated older men at the same age I have to say that from my perspective at the time there was no issue. In hindsight, it was a giant issue. Why were these older men interested in me? The relationships ended up being abusive (that’s not to say that this one is). But there are certainly some red flags when older men date teenage girls,’ a second offered.

‘I was 27 dating a 22 year old and I think that’s the biggest age gap I’ve had. 26 years is a whole adult! There is no way they have a lot in common, especially goals and future plans. I would tell him so,’ a third chimed in.

And, as a fourth snarked: ‘It’s funny that you say your son, 45, is “looking to have kids.” He doesn’t need a practical kid herself to make a baby with.’ 

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