Therapist: The seven important things you need to learn about sex

Therapist: These are the seven important things you need to learn about sex – and how they will change your relationships

  • Certified sex therapist Todd Baratz listed seven truths to know about sex
  • He said it’s messy, awkward and funny and what happens before is as important

A certified sex therapist has listed the seven ‘important’ truths you need to learn about sex if you want to have a solid relationship.

Todd Baratz, from the US, said everyone around the world has some sort of sexual issue, and the challenge is to ‘undo, unlearn and learn new ways of being with your sex and sexuality’.

‘A little learning goes a long way,’ Todd posted on Instagram.

A post shared by Todd Baratz, LMHC ๐ŸŒˆ (@yourdiagnonsense)

1. It’s not shameful or bad

The first thing Todd said he wants people to learn is that sex isn’t inherently shameful or bad, provided it’s not hurting anyone:

‘If it doesn’t hurt you or anyone else, then it’s wonderful,’ he wrote.

‘There is nothing inherently bad or shameful about any type of sexual expression. You just learned there was from the lack of or sh*tty sex education you were forced into.’

Todd added that if you want more sexual pleasure, it is ‘yours for the taking’.

2. What happens before and after is just as important

Many people place a huge amount of importance on sex – and for good reason.

But in actual fact, Todd said it’s more what happens immediately before sex and afterwards that matters in a relationship.

‘Sex isn’t a natural biological experience. It’s psychological, emotional and relational. It’s a dynamic exchange even when you don’t know your partner.’

Todd added that it’s what happens in the lead-up to the sex itself that can make it terrible or arousing and powerful.

Todd Baratz, from the US (pictured), listed the seven truths everyone needs to know about sex in order to help their relationships

3. It’s messy, awkward and funny

Having grown up on a diet of Hollywood movies, many expect sex to be just like what they see at the cinema.

But Todd said it’s rarely picture-perfect with the right soundtrack and the right words attached.

‘Sex is messy, awkward and actually funny,’ he said.

‘It’s not how you see in the movies or in porn so stop trying to emulate that.’

Todd said it’s common to come in contact with sweat, farts, liquids, odours and lube – all of which end up ‘everywhere’.

You may need to stop during sex, pause and re-start, and you’ll definitely need to check in on your partner.ย 

He added that you’re better off embracing this instead of getting embarrassed by it.

4. Sex is not penetration

Todd said the idea that sex is penetration is old-fashioned and out-dated – and you never need to fake orgasms just because you think you should.

‘Let sex and orgasms be whatever you want them to be – whether that includes penetration or mutual masturbation,’ he explained.

‘Diversify your sexual expression to include a variety of sexual acts.’ย 

5. Sex is an interaction

According to Todd, sex isn’t ‘inherently pleasurable’, and nor is it an automatic reflex.

He said: ‘It’s an interaction that happens in response to an environment and in the context of a relationship’.ย 

Todd added: ‘You have to work to decrease shame, practice communication and pursue pleasure’.

6. Orgasm however you want to

The sex therapist said like a lot of things with sex, orgasms can be ‘tricky’ as many think they need to orgasm in the ways they see in porn or on TV.

‘Do whatever you need to do to get off,’ Todd advised.ย 

7. Be selfish

Finally, he said if you’re ever going to have good sex, you need to be a little bit selfish.

‘Sexual selfishness is a necessary component of arousal, pleasure and orgasms,’ Todd said.

‘You have to prioritise your pleasure if you want it.’ย 

Thousands who saw his post were quick to thank Todd for sharing his advice.

‘Thank you so much,’ one person wrote.

‘Wish I had seen this 25 years ago,’ another added.ย 

What are the five love languages?ย 

Words of affirmation

Quality time

Acts of service


Physical touch

What are the common turn-offs when dating?ย 

Dirty fingernails

Eating loudly


Bad hygiene


Road rage

Short temper


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