Shannon Beador is reflecting on the ups and downs she and boyfriend John Janssen faced while quarantining together last year.
In PEOPLE's exclusive sneak peek at Wednesday's Real Housewives of Orange County season 15 finale, Shannon addresses the concerns her friends had for her while she and John were struggling in their relationship.
"The bottom line is, Shannon, it came from a place of concern," Gina Kirschenheiter tells Shannon of why she was discussing the relationship during the group's recent trip to Lake Arrowhead.
"I get it that you were concerned, but I haven't really heard from you much," Shannon, 56, replies, later adding, "I thought if you were so concerned you'd pick up the phone and check in."
"But what am I supposed to say? I don't want to overstep my boundaries," says Gina, 36.
Shannon begins to explain that when she vents about her relationship with John, "it comes across a lot worse than it is," which Emily Simpson says may be tied to her drinking.
"Maybe when you've had a few drinks, you share things about John that maybe aren't so great about your relationship," says Emily, 44. "And then when you're sober and then when we want to talk about it later, you regret saying what you said and so you try to make it look like it's all perfect."
"You gave us the impression that it wasn't working out," Gina adds, as Shannon acknowledges that quarantining with John made her realize their relationship wasn't the "fairy tale" she made it out to be.
"When you're with someone 24/7, it can be difficult, so did we have some issues? Yeah," she says. "It's been hard the last couple months, I'm not going to lie."
"I just want to say, my marriage was so bad and I just didn't know if I could ever get into a happy place again. And when I met John, it was like, 'Are you freaking kidding me? Life can be this way?'" Shannon continues, referencing her relationship with ex-husband David Beador. "So when there became arguments and bickering and things that happened during COVID, I was devastated that it wasn't that perfect fairytale."
"Most couples f—ing struggle, it's f—ing messy," Gina reminds her friend.
But ultimately, Shannon maintains that she and John are in a good place.
"I put this fairy tale label on the relationship, which then caused too much pressure on me, but I know that I'm with someone who loves me and I love him too, so it's a win-win," she says in a confessional.
The season 15 finale of the Real Housewives of Orange County airs Wednesday at 9 p.m. ET on Bravo.
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