Soapwatch with JACI STEPHEN: Fire horror kills Bobby?

EASTENDERS 

How many times have people in soapland attempted to set fire to a premises for the insurance? What could possibly go wrong? When you add Rocky into the mix, there can be only one outcome. 

Intent on setting fire to the cafe, he pushes ahead with his plan while Kaffy sits in Walford East, awaiting a romantic dinner. Talk about pushing the boat out. Not. That’s not even pushing the rubber duck in a bathtub out.

Why does nobody go to that posh place Fargo’s anymore? Please bring it back, along with David Bamber, who played snooty head waiter Bernard in 2008. 

He’s such a remarkable actor and, let’s be honest, the restaurant trade in Walford could do with a decent eaterie. What have we got to look forward to currently? Beale’s Eels – Cindy and Ian’s new pie and mash shop venture.

So, with Kaffy waiting, back at the cafe Rocky tampers with the electrics and starts a fire. It’s left to a panicked Bobby to try to extinguish it, but there’s an explosion that leaves him inside, unconscious. 

So, with Kaffy waiting, back at the cafe Rocky tampers with the electrics and starts a fire

It’s left to a panicked Bobby to try to extinguish it, but there’s an explosion that leaves him inside, unconscious

An unconscious Bobby? I’m afraid that begs the question: how can they tell?

Harvey’s ultimatum 

Is it curtains for EastEnders’ Rocky and Harvey? 

‘If you don’t come clean to Kathy about this reckless scheme, then you and I can no longer be friends,’ says Harvey. 

I’d call that a blessing.

The search for Albie continues, as Keanu and Karen try to find a way to return the non-missing child. With Sharon keeping the £50,000 ransom a secret from the police, Phil suggests that he’ll do the drop and deal with the lowlife who took Albie. 

Oh, that’ll go well. From where does Sharon get £50k at such short notice, pray? 

Certainly not from subscriptions at the gym. Unless George is charging £10k a session for boxing training, it’s unlikely Sharon could come up with 50 quid, let alone £50,000.

When will Reiss be uncovered as having stolen his comatose wife’s money to fund the IVF treatment he’s doing with Sonia? That’s a smoking gun. 

As he drowns his sorrows in the Vic, he discusses IVF and fertility with George, Elaine, Linda, Patrick and Yolande. That’s not a chat; it’s a show. Just start selling tickets.

EMMERDALE 

Is it the end of the road for Lydia and Sam? 

Sam Dingle [JAMES HOOTON] is left shell shocked by her announcement that Lydia Dingle [KAREN BLICK] is moving out of the family home

I know that Lydia’s been through a terrible ordeal, but when the brightest thing in the Dingles’ living room is the hideous crocheted blanket, you’re in trouble. When Lydia tells a shocked Sam that she’s moving out (below), you can’t help wondering whether she couldn’t face another day looking at the hideous thing. What will she do when Kim offers her the chance to move into Home Farm? Pack a bag pronto and run for that Home Farm cellar would be my guess.

Everyone is still in the dark regarding the Dingle secrets, as the police continue to investigate Craig’s death. If the locals are in the dark, rest assured the coppers are down a mine shaft, blindfolded and without a torch; they couldn’t find a camel in a haystack. Actually, they couldn’t find a haystack in a barn.

Jacob and Victoria continue to guard the secret of their affair and drop their covert hand holding when David appears. Later, Victoria is mystified when Jacob ghosts her, unaware of the reason why. Personally, I’d ghost anyone who spends all of their working day in a hat that makes her look as if she’s prepped for surgery to undergo a frontal lobotomy.

CORONATION STREET 

The factory’s not the same now there’s no serial killer in its midst; the sparkle that was Stephen has been extinguished. Now, we’re back to the tedium of money worries, and when Carla returns, she has to act fast to stop Underworld going… well, under.

When the staff discover Carla’s been lying about the missing money having been traced, the workers down tools, but can Sarah and Carla persuade them to reconsider? And will the reinstalled Michael save the day when Carla gets him to show his portfolio to a new client? It’s not clear Michael even knows how to hold a pencil, so he doesn’t convince as a Victoria’s Secret wannabe. By the way, where’s his mum gone? I know NHS staff do long shifts, but Aggie hasn’t slept in months. Ed’s gambling money would be better spent on hiring a PI to track her down.

Ed’s gambling storyline is flogging a dead horse, and now there’s another one when Crystal calls Ryan. How many dead horses do you have to flog before it becomes an abattoir?

Now, we’re back to the tedium of money worries, and when Carla (pictured) returns, she has to act fast to stop Underworld going… well, under

Bernie goes from bad to worse… 

Corrie’s Paul goes downhill rapidly this week, and it’s devastating for mum Bernie, learning he has no more than 12 months to live. Bernie (Jane Hazlegrove) is wondering if things can get any worse for them. ‘Bernie is struggling to be positive,’ says Jane, ‘but even she feels a bit beaten now by it all.’

Then there’s the forthcoming court case over the scam she got involved in. ‘She’s in a mess,’ adds Jane. That’s putting it mildly.

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